It's been a long time since this page was updated. Quite the rollercoaster, and I'm very sorry to say that what started as a "not enough energy to post" turned to "forgot to post" which in turn became "The Daily Aut? What's that?"
It helps if you turn your old rattly laptop on once in a blue moon too.

We're nearing the end of the Summer Holidays now, many adventures have been had, from simple trips to the beach (Lily likes the beach, she heads straight for the waves the moment we get there, and it takes a while to dry her shoes out... really must buy her some of those beach shoes!) We've done two 10 hour car journeys (the first of which was undertaken at night hoping minions would sleep... the second during the day as it didnt make much difference. That is, it didnt SEEM to until we did the trip by day, night time driving it is.)

I have consumed copious amounts of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, thankyou Welcome Breaks across the country for satisfying my need for enough sugar to almost keep up with the energy of my children.

Uniforms have been found, school is generally prepared for now (I think... we'll see how many things I've forgotten soon enough)

Lily is moving to an SRB at another school. I'm really hopeful that this setting will help her, she's been doing so well. She isn't too keen on the idea, one moment she's excited and the next she is upset, though she has been upset a lot lately so it is hard to pin down which reason it's for. The routine is lost, there is no school, she wants to go places but the moment we get there the sensory input is too much, she won't be seeing her friends anymore, she'll have new journeys, new rooms, new faces to deal with all with different voices and smells and it's all just so big and scary.
She is doing so well despite all this. She has brought so much joy to everyone she's met this holiday. She's really trying her hardest, and it shows. Before we know it the routine will be regained, time will pass and she'll settle, and all the battles and screaming and throwing will cease (please?). We'll once again forget how hard this bit was. Then the next holiday will come and the grace period will lull me again. Two weeks. Gets me every time.

There have been so many positive points this holiday. So many nice moments and memories, and I'm looking forward to more.

In the meantime I'm hearing the call of the kettle... (and the remaining doughnuts)

Sleep

So it was that Mummy, for the first time in many many moons, got both minions to bed before 10pm.

Actually, that's not overly true. Pixie is in dreamland, yes, he's good at dreamland at night. I never knew bedtime could be so relaxing a routine for a minion. He goes without fuss, a simple wash, brush, change, jamas, sing night night to the world, sing night night to him, biiiiig cuddle and a kiss, down into bed, covers, teddy, and a bottle. Light out, say goodnight again, and that's it. It's rare now that he will wake and cry in the night. I'll saunter on through about 7:30-8am and he'll be sitting there, waiting patiently. He'll hand me an empty bottle, and while I go fill it with water, the cheeky monkey will hide behind the curtain. Every morning without fail. I'll go in and pretend I don't know where he's gone. Despite the fact the curtain is only long enough to cover his head. The rest of him is completely visible, but hey. He can't see me, therefore I obviously can't see him. This is a level of cuteness that is beyond compare, and I get the lucky moments of starting my day with it.

Of course Lily will already be up by then, she'll have had breakfast (I'll be able to tell by the milk and cereal decorating the kitchen sides and floor. Apparently some of it also makes it to the bowl), and be playing a game or watching a film by then.. I honestly don't know how much sleep she has. I am usually asleep before her of an evening. It's 10:27pm right now and I still hear her running back and forth in her bedroom. It's become my lullaby.

Then again, when I was little I was the same. I'd drag the big books off the landing to look at the pictures, play games, build forts, anything but actually sleep. Of course eventually the sandman would catch me, but I was usually up before everyone else in the morning, too. It's funny how it has come back around to that through her. She's so like me in so many ways. 

Joys of Costumes

Lily and Mummy have had adventures. We're quite good at these now. Mummy managed to get us all the way to Peterborough, copious amounts of tombola tickets and cookies were enjoyed. Many prizes won, and lots of pictures taken with all sorts of characters. Lily was much more into the  whole "pose with this one so Mummy can take a cool picture" thing. She was very helpful, and seemed to really enjoy the day. Cutest Harley Quinn ever. Not that I'm biased, of course.

The adventure continued on the way home, when Mummy's car decided to try and join in the sing song. The beeping and flashing red lights weren't the right pitch, but it had a good try. We broke down about 4, and finally rolled in the front door somewhere in the region of 11 I think. Tis a good job we managed to nurse the car in next to a Tesco so there was plenty of amenities when needed. Plus we got to entertain lots of people that really weren't expecting to see a big and little Harley Quinn. 

A week later and the car is back on the drive at last, I never knew a switch could be so expensive.


So it was that Half term crept upon us like a stealthy ninja thing. 6 more sleeps and we'll be dressing up again! Yay!!

Poor School

Lily has a two week grace period whenever there is a significant change. Change happens... Two weeks go by without much of a reaction, she's well behaved, polite, she has her moments, but for the most part peace reigns supreme.

Basically she lulls you into a false sense of security. You just forget what the other side is like for a little while. I know this and it still gets me every time.

The new class at school is one such significant change. I said before it happened about the grace period. When people have asked how she's doing, I've said things are going well in school, but wait two weeks, then you can tell what sort of day she's had by how stressed the teacher looks at pick up time.. We laugh about it, we carry on with our days, and the teacher keeps saying good things, and although the reminder is there whenever someone asks, it becomes more of a joke than a warning, because hey, it's good news each day.

So yes, I get lulled into a false sense of security too. Every time.

Well the grace period appears to be up. Poor lass had an interesting end of the week. Her teacher had her first glimpse of "a big moment". There was screaming ,there were limbs flying in all directions.. Biggest "wobble" they've come across since the start of Year 2.

I kinda feel sorry for them, because I know it wasn't a huge one. This is Lily starting to feel at ease, starting to let loose. Now we give her a two week mental period and hope she evens out and settles again.


In a way, I'm grateful for this. She's unleashing her wrath of doom at school, and though I'm getting some of the aftermath wrath, it's nowhere close to our usual battles, and for the most part at home she's a dream at the moment. She even spent time playing with her little brother today.

Now all I need to do is coax her to eat something other than beans on toast.

What a Weekend

Lily graced the school with her prescence on Friday, under protest from Mummy, as the minion of delight still seemed quiet. But hey, no messes to clear up in over the allotted time, so Mummy gave in, took her in, and sat by the phone waiting for the inevitable "Come get her" phone call... that didn't appear. About lunchtime I rang the school to find she had been very quiet, but good.... so I guess this means we are now officially in our 2 week grace period..

For those that don't know Lily, this works pretty simply. It takes her 2 weeks after a change, to become accustomed enough to it that she can... relax. Give it 2 weeks, and lets see how stressed the teacher looks at hometime to see what type of day Lily had...

She really didn't want to leave school today, she was in tears, and trying to bolt, purely because she didn't want to come home. I'm still not sure why, when I tried to ask her she explained it beautifully... with her back to me whilst running in circles, quietly, while her little brother was playing with the saucepans. She can only tell me things one time at the moment so I guess that one was lost to the void.

We had a fantastic weekend! Lily finally met Spidermans Friends! She even met Spiderman, selected a new piece of art for her wall, and became rather attatched to Harley Quinn. Mummy met some pretty cool people too, got some autographs, convinced Lily to pose with people she didnt know.. then to pose with Harley Quinn.. the difference in facial expressions from her between the 2 pictures is awesome..

We even got a cuddly Dalek.. None shall mess with us now.

I've promised her we'll go again next year. It really was amazing, and our first convention, better than I could have imagined!

She didn't even mind when costumed people interacted with her, in fact, she went and introduced herself to them. Cue Mummy standing back, beaming proudly.

That's my girl!

Here We Go Again... Oh.. Maybe Not Then...

Today's the big day! The day that parents and children look forward to and dread at the same time..
The day that invariably you wake up inexplicably early, and are ready long before it's time to leave.
Children lined up, smart, new clothes, new shoes, setting an example. The air crackling with exitement and excitable greetings and nervous chatter ensue as they await the doors opening.

First day in a new Year. That means new classrooms, new teachers, a new way into and out of the school. Holidays are officially over, back to alarm clocks and beggings of haste over breakfast.

Unless you're Lily. Then you're really having a bad day. Poor wee lass isn't well. I can tell when it's bad, because she becomes so unlike herself it drives me to distraction.

Lily usually spends her time flapping about and running back and forth, playing "tend game"s, making constant demands, generally her presence cannot be missed. She's loud, she's bright, she's full of that limitless energy I wish I could bottle so I could make a small fortune.

Today Lily has been on the couch. She watched the telly without actually watching it.. just staring in its' general direction. She slept, she's taken small sips of water. She hasn't eaten a thing all day. Not quite true. She ate the eyes, nose and mouth out of a billy bear for dinner.. then migrated back to the couch voicing something unintelligible (face scrunched up, whiny voice), where she has stayed since.

Her little brother occassionally attempts to make contact, and is either screamed at or ignored. All in all she's feeling (and looking) pretty sorry for herself.

This has a very slight upside to it, Mummy has gotten some pretty awesome cuddles today.

Tick tock

Today Lily wanted a disco. We put the radio on and turned it right up. We closed the curtains so it could be a "real one". We closed all the doors as well, though I'm not sure why. Each time the carer came through she was told "you cyose door, you wooin it. Don't wooin anyfing".
The disco lasted from 9:30 until past lunchtime.. that when mummy decided she needed a break and put a film on. Lily is still running back and forth, no idea were she is getting all the energy from!

4 more sleeps until Year 2 starts. 7 more until we see Spider-Man's friends. The countdown is in full swing. Actually the countdown for that has been going since I bought the ticket. Mummy's ears need to hear a new countdown.

Need Sleep

It's been quite a while since I last posted a snippet of our lives on here, it's been quite empty in our worlds of late.

The summer holidays upon us, we fell into a routine. Same thing, day in, day out, for much of the last 6 weeks. There have been moments that I've been so far dragged down, I've been sunk to the floor, sobbing, and unable to see how there can possibly be another day on the horizon, where no amount of closing my eyes can stop the tears flowing.  Nights that seem endless, I can go through the motions, and lay my head on those pillows, but sleep will not or cannot find me. I wish it would swallow its' pride, stop, and ask for directions already.

Those have usually been at the end of days that Lily has struggled the most, though who's pushing who lower in those cases I'm not sure. Was I perhaps already low, and she simply picked up on it? That would of course make her feel uneasy, confused, unstable.. perfect recipe for a hard day for us both, and once I've hugged her tight and kissed her goodnight, that floor is welcome and waiting for a jolly good cry. (at which point I tend to get stuck. Mobility is not my friend)

I guess that's why I've not posted in a while. Truth is right now I'm struggling. Struggling, mainly, to convince myself that I exist. We've had overall, a good summer holiday. We've had our own adventures as a family. We've been to the zoo, to the city, the woods, the parks, we've danced in the rain, picked blackberries, had homecooked meals, and even been graced with the presence of dear friends once in a blue moon.

Lily has increasingly shrank more into her own shell. She's been to 3 parties, and barely interacted with those around her at any of them. She speaks, she sings, she dances, but her world will only grudgingly touch another, and briefly. It seemed the more we went out, the further she sank. It hurts me to watch, not knowing how to reach her in there. 

Of course this hasn't been constant, there are moments worlds open, and you get a glimpse. Usually when she wants something.
A friend of hers visited this week.   They watched the Lego Movie, had a bounce on the trampoline. Other than "Big Sammy", "Little Sammy" has managed to get the most reaction from her in the last 6 weeks.

This time next week, Lily will be back at school, facing a new year, a new classroom, in with everyone else for as long as they can manage. I hope she'll do well. She's looking forward to it. And in 9 sleeps, we get to stay in a hotel, and in 10 more sleeps, Lily finally gets to meet "Spiderman's Fends"

I can hear her going in circles in her room right now, talking to them on her poster. Telling them she'll be there soon. Asking them to please not eat her, she wants to be their friend.

So it is, I finally send another snippet out into the void. The joys of trying to raise two minions, one of which is autistic, while mental health inexplicably tethers you. World domination will just have to wait.

At least until I've had a nap, dagnabbit.

Simple Town Trip

Lily and Mummy went into town today. We set out on an adventure to pick up 2 small parcels from the Post Office, and a Hair Wash for Lily. Pretty simple, hey? Short and sweet.


Having randomly stroked a dog on arrival to town, Mummy explained to Lily (again), that we need to ask the owners before we stroke dogs, in case they bite. Lily finally seemed to grasp the concept... in a "challenge accepted" way. Apparently this meant we had to speak to everyone we saw who had a dog, no one with mutt in tow or being towed by mutt escaped the lovely lass.

It was pretty hard to miss my gorgeous girl today. She was the one wearing a bright sun hat, and pink sunglasses.

In the rain.


As for the "just picking up a couple of parcels from the post office" theory... that never works with Mummy. We got a few little bits from the charity shops (Lily even picked out something for Pixie), and had great fun on getting home, unpacking them... and the parcels of course... and a computer...

Mummy also ordered things so she can start up her Second Life music again. Bring on the mixer and microphone...

yep... just the post office.




(also having ordered the toasty cheese sandwich, the cheese was "da wong cheese, Mummy. It all long and melty") (I did tell her!)

Wibble Wobble

"When it come out, Mummy?" (Soon...)
"Is fat a long time?" (probably not...)
"How long is it?" (I don't know...)
"Mummy, LOOK! It coming out?" *poke tooth into odd angle... watch Mummy turn a little green*
"How many sleeps til it come out, Mummy?" (I don't know...)
"Is toof fairy gonna come? Him leaf me chocolate coin?" (It's usually a real coin...)
"Will it hurt?" (no, love...)
"How long it hurt for?" (it won't...)
"It hurt for fee minutes?!?" (are we even in the same conversation?)
"I don't want it to hurt!" (That's good because I already said it won't!)
"I ring Ranny n tell her bout my toof?" (okay...)
*Mummy dials and hands Lily the phone*
"My toof coming out! It gonna hurt fee minute! I don't want it hurt fee minute!!!" *Mummy face palms*
*pause*
"Mummy said so."   (wait... what?!?)

*cue Mummy explaining to granny what was actually said.. *

"LOOK!!!" *poke tooth out again, this time in front of a mirror. Now there's two odd angled teeth to make mummy green with*

"Ranny said it won't hurt" (that's right...)
"Why you tell me it hurt?" (I didn't...)
"Yew did! yew said fee minutes!"

*Lily runs to check mirror and completely ignores Mummy's reply to this..just as well really*

Lily's first wobbly tooth. A whole weekend of fun conversations like this one!

The tooth miraculously disappeared Monday evening, (we think she ate it), Mummy's friends brains work a lot faster than Mummy's. By the time I got through the "oh crap! She's going to freak out about this..." moment and onto the "okay.. lets fix it before it starts.." and just before the "how do I actually fix this?" thoughts they had already told her the tooth fairy must have really needed it quickly!

Luckily the tooth fairy didn't forget to put a dragon pound under her pillow... which she paraded at school today.

She's also been opening her mouth really wide to show everyone her new gap. Yes I mean literally everyone. She doesn't have to know them. It's been great fun watching the reactions of people thinking this bounding. muttering, dribbling (its hard to talk with your mouth open) speedy child is going to bite them.

Are We Nearly There Yet?

It is official. Lily, Pixie, and Mummy have the best friends in the world. Everyone should have friends like these. The type that feel more like a family.. with all its dysfunctional quirks that you wouldn't want to change for the world (I serve up more than my fair share of randomness, too!)

I mentioned in a previous post how Mummy is very very much like Lily. We sometimes do things in reverse. If Lily has enough warning of a change, she can get quite excited about it, and all the craziness explodes into our worlds about 2 weeks after the change has occured (that's her usual settle period, anyway). Mummy, on the other hand, with enough warning, really gets her knickers in a twist. Our current moving house is no exception. There were tears, there were tantrums, there were all nighters and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

That was just Mummy.

No one was spared the wrath of the stressed Mummy. Family, friends, strangers... I really have been an absolute... personage of Doom. (This really isn't an exaggeration. if I were my friend, I'd have smacked myself!)

They say you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends, and thank goodness mine have been able to deal with me of late. Without them we wouldn't have made it to the new house. I'd still be surrounded by half packed boxes and drowning in a mountain of stress (half of which is unwarranted but created by my brain as some form of torture)


Lily is very very happy with her new bedroom, the one room in the new house that's sorted! (Though the larder's looking done too, priorities are in order!) We had a tough and emotional time of it yesterday evening,  there was no order to anything, but today she has her bedroom, and she obviously feels secure because *touch wood* she's not got up tonight yet.
Her Marvel Villains and Superheroes poster is "keeping after" her again. Everything has its place. A room she's in control of.

There's no phone line, but there's internet, so she has stampycat youtube to watch.

All in all, Lily's a pretty happy bunny tonight!

Fairies on the Mantlepiece

One of the best things about being a parent, or working with children, or having some childy influence in your world is the magic it brings with it. The raw belief in the simplest things. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Magic Sock Land (a secret pocket that exists in every washing machine to help us keep our socks odd)... Literally anything is believable, just use the word Magic and you can't go wrong.

Lily has a new phase. Fairies. This is utterly brilliant, partly because it reminds me of when I used to believe in them. I'd climb the trees and look around every leaf, or every flower hoping to catch a glimpse of one. Lily brought home a fairy, it started on her hand, but after a while of walking with her hand stretched out, palm up in front of her I figured it must be aching, and told her the fairy had moved to her shoulder. She got so happy that it came to life for her.

When we arrived home she carefully directed this piece of air onto the mantlepiece "So Phiwip can't get it, Mummy"

This morning on the way to school Lily entrusted Mummy with the magic behind getting fairies. It was the pure, innocent, angelic type of magic. The type that melts hearts worldwide (not in a yucky painful way), and is contagious. Very contagious. This magic has already spread to other children, and they've been giving her more fairies. Our mantlepiece is very very full, it's almost poetic that it can be utterly empty now that we're packing, and full at the same time.

The best part? It's simple magic. Anyone can get a fairy.

In the words of Lily

"You put you hands togefer like dis..."  *assuming prayer hands*
"Dem you shut you eyes.."  *peeks to make sure Mummy's eyes are closed*
"Now, you has to say it 5 times or it no work. 5 times Mummy. 5! You watch I show you how dem do it"

Anyone would think she was praying. Her voice a light whisper because fairies like it better quiet..

"I wish I hab a fairy
 I wish I hab a fairy
 I wish I hab a fairy
 I wish I hab a fairy
 I wish I hab a fairy"

*poof* Spiderman Fairy. Bet Stan Lee didn't see that one coming...

Dagnabbit

Sometimes it crosses my mind that I'm worse than Lily... that I cause the problems..
  (okay.. a lot of the time)

I know just how much she struggles on a day to day basis because I fight the same battles. I get the sensory issues, I'm not that great with loud noises, not to the extent Lily gets affected by them,  but I understand the impact they have on her and why she reacts the way she does.
There was a time I couldn't get her to wear socks because she said they hurt her feet. We're past that now, but for all the times I cursed in my mind when all I was trying to do was keep my lass's feet warm, I didnt step back and compare my own sensory issues to hers at the time. I wish I had, I'd have understood it better sooner. I'm not a big fan of socks either, or gloves. They make my hands/feet tingle and that drives me nuts. When I do wear socks, they have to be odd ones. Why? Because I'm an odd person, I guess.

Lily struggles with changes to her routine, but to her credit it's a short lived hiccup most of the time... that's more than I can say for myself. If plans change for me I re-evaluate everything several times over and every scenario that could be entailed, and I panic. I panic for days (if there's that much warning), and constantly worry, it affects my sleep, and eating habits, suddenly at the slightest things I completely overreact. Anyone that is a friend has the patience of a saint because goodness knows what it must seem like from the outside looking in. (Good grief did that woman just tear the living room apart because she couldn't find a hair tie? What a nutcase!)

Social situations are like a form of torture, unless I've known the people for a while. I tend to end up sitting quietly, running through scripts in my head, playing out conversations before I've had them, thinking of possible replies, and half the time don't actually open my mouth to attempt them. Once I'm comfortable I'll stumble my way through small talk. After years of practice I can blag my way through a conversation now most of the time. Some days it's effortless, others my voice seems to run away...
Lily is just starting out on the social road... and I already see her pulling away from it, much to my despair. Not despair that she's not interacting normally etc, but despair that it's already hard for her, and despite my understanding, I still have no idea how to help her past it.

There are so many ways that me and Lily are so alike. It never hit me until the last time I took her to the pediatrician. It was our first meeting (her other one retired), We hadn't spoken much of me, just the home situation, and Lily's behavior, speech, social, etc. Regular stuff. The appointment lasted about 40 minutes I think, and during that time Lily had very calmly trashed the doctor's office. At the end the doctor asked Granny and Lily to tidy up, and turned to me and said "Did you know you may be autistic?".

That was so many months ago, yet my brain is still playing it over and over, like a lifeline. All those times I felt like I didnt fit, all the pacing back and forth on the verge of tears when someone was a few minutes late, peering out the window every few seconds to see if they were nearly here.. all the defense mechanisms, and things I had to learn the long way around because I just couldnt naturally get to. It's like a puzzle piece clicked into place.

The same puzzle piece that clicks into place every time I see lily dance to her own tune, oblivious to the world around her because she's safe in her own bubble, or go mental because there's a drier in the public toilets.. In fact every situation I see her struggle through, and mentally curse (usually through impatience, I must admit).. then when I have a quiet moment to myself I get lost in my own head and replay it all and realise.. you know what?
I'm the same.

Hmm...

 What shall I regale you with today?

Do I speak of how my amazing lass has finally tried to clean herself up after using the bathroom...?

(cue image of Mummy wading through 4 unraveled toilet rolls with a plunger and many many towels)

How about the heartwarming bond between the Minions of Doom?

(Mummy thought Phillip was screaming in terror/pain. Mummy thought she was going to find him missing a limb..
 They were playing peek-a-boo with the curtain. 
Mummy worries too much.)

Ooh, ooh, the sudden interest she's developed in helping Mummy tidy!

(she wiped down the surfaces and the chairs, and  swept up. Mummy returned later with towels and broom)

(Mummy needs to put towels on the shopping list, we're getting through a lot at the moment, washing machine cant keep up with supply and demand)

No? How about when she helped do the laundry...

(gosh knows how that resulted in a mixture of Bold and cat biscuits through two rooms...)

The new cd for today..

(War of the Worlds.. because it sounds "pretty".. I bet that was totally what they were going for....)


Actually,  how about the moment she didn't know I was watching. A rare secret moment Mummy doesn't know about. She took Phillip's hand and slowly, quietly walked around the livingroom with him. Over and over again, watching him lovingly. He would stumble, and she would patiently help him up and continue, or give him a cuddle until he was ready to try again. Without a word, just teaching him how to walk.

I don't know how often they've been doing this, that was the first I had seen it, but to look at them you'd think it was second nature, that they do that all the time.

This afternoon Phillip walked the furthest he's managed unaided, and Lily was cheering him on, clapping, smiling, and giving him cuddles and kisses.

The joy on both their faces was wonderful.

The Reward Chart

We have one of those Sticker reward charts on the livingroom mantlepiece. You know the kind, I'm sure. Four weeks seperated into days, if certain tasks are complete the child is rewarded with a sticker to go on the current day, and at the end of the week you tally up and they get a cookie.. or a comic.. or some form of treat as a reward for all their accomplishments.

Lily had one of these when she was 3, but until recently the concept was lost on her. Mainly because she had no sense of time, it took quite a while to get to the point where she can put things in order, there are yesterdays, there are tomorrows. Things have happened, things will happen and theres a cause and effect to our actions. Actually we're still working on it, but she has the basics now.

We started a new reward chart in March, Granny presented her with a beautiful princess one, and a book of hundreds of stickers. At first we used it to reward Supersuns and Hair Washes, and gradually other things have crept in (like getting dressed, calming rather than screaming, getting to school on time, not running off, being helpful, eating, everyday normal things). Mummy started a tally, in March there were 13 stickers for the month. April had 12...

April was a tough one, 5 weeks on a 4 week chart, Mummy got confused and started the May one in April so we'll have an extra week.

Lily has been saying she wants a "pooter wif minecraft om it". I think we must be one of the few households not to have one of those. I have a very old and slow laptop, but it wouldnt survive the onslaught of Minecraft.. and it doesnt have a CD drive..

Cue genius moment...at the start of the month Mummy said to Lily for every sticker she earns Mummy will put £1 to the "pooter wif minecraft om it" fund. (figuring £12-13 per month is definitely do-able)

Bearing in mind we're only on the 6th, Lily has already amassed 12 stickers.

I think I'm being hustled.....

Huzzah!

Brilliant day today! Lily was given the opportunity yesterday to eat in the dining hall with everybody else, a situation that she may find uncomfortable, given her sensory issues.. what with all the noise, and... people...
But big mean Mummy wouldn't let her be lost to the fray, Mummy insisted she be allowed in with the normals.. partly because she needs to be able to cope with those situations if she's to stay in mainstream education.. partly because I don't like the fact she's apart from everyone so much, so many things let everyone know shes "diffent"..
Mostly because I know she can do it. When I suggested it, there was umming and ahhing, and a reminder of why she eats in a separate room (because she went a while with only eating one thing off her plate).. but Mummy insisted a trial, and so it was that Lily, little spontaneous minion that she is, dined with a room full of people. Chattering, clinking, noise in abundance. She ate everything (except the potatoes, she doesn't like those and never has.. but a note was made that she left them, we mustn't have completely clear first try...)

Mummy had insisted this happened at least once a week, in the view it would increase over time so she could be with her peers.

Today, Lily wanted to go dine in the hall again, much to staffs surprise. Lily says she wants to eat in there every day. I know. She told me 4 times on the way from school to car this afternoon.

Cue one triumphant Mummy. One very, very proud Mummy.

Also, Lily got an achievement! A rarely bestowed SuperStar for Math. She independently managed 4 digit addition, something like 4321+3425 on her own.

That's my girl!

(I'm beaming, can you tell just a little?)

Didn't See That Coming..

Lily picked a new CD in the car this morning. She picked one because it had purple on it, so it looked "pfitty" (pretty with an f instead of an r for those struggling to read that).. because it was "da same as yoo coat, Mummy!"
We listened to a couple songs on the drive to school, then I asked her what she thought.

I have heard opera described as many things, but that's the first time I've heard it called "Cute!"

PRDK.. yes, love....

Lily has had an... emotional.. couple of days. I know a lot of children get upset at school time drop off, clinging to parents, tears, some might run, or refuse to go in, screaming can follow a parent down the hall from the classroom and still manage to break their heart at the gate. Two weeks of being in the family unit takes its toll, and of course in some ways they don't want to leave that security, that warmth and love and fun. I understand that.

The last couple of mornings I found myself wishing it was for those reasons my own little minion of unpredictability was causing chaos..

Morning 1 - The tables had moved
Morning 2 - Didn't want "Catty" to go home (cuddly toy)

I shall just assume that in her mind, some Lily bridge makes the gap from tables/toy to home with us and the wonderful times we've had over the last couple weeks. That she actually means she's missing us, but can't articulate it yet.... That's right, Mummy, that's EXACTLY what she means.

Also, she came out this afternoon in high spirits, holding a rainbow triangle and looking pleased with herself..

L: "I got somefin tell yoo, Mummy!"
M: " Oh really? That's a lovely rainbow!"
L: "No it not fat! I got tell yoo somefin!"
M:" Okay...."
L: "I not Lily anymore. I got a noo name. You know what my noo name is?"
M: *insert blank pleading look here*
L:"My name is Princess Rainbowdash da King, my name is. Yoo know now. Yoo call me?"
M: "Princess Rainbowdash....the King?"
L: "Dats wite, yoo know dis!"

*en route to car a confuddlement hits Mummy, the fact that it took her this long to suss what was bugging her is saying something*

M: "Lily, King is a boy thing, do you mean Queen?"
L: "What?"
M: "Well, you're a girl.. would it be Princess Rainbowdash the Queen?"

*Cue Lily looking very troubled and thinking very very hard while Mummy loads up the car and gets us home.. dinner is had, Superman is watched, games are played, all is well. Then comes bedtime.. Lily actually took care of bedtime by herself, no Mummy help, at goodnight moment Mummy gets an extra big hug, and as she's about to close the door...*

L: "Mummy...?"
M: "Yes, lovey?"
L: "Queen is too hard to say. I be Princess Rainbowdash da King."

By that point I'd forgotten the earlier conversation, so I just agreed. It was only once I'd got downstairs and pondered it all that it hit me. My girl takes a while sometimes, but she always gets there in the end.

Through Good and Bad

I thought I'd better update now before so much happens we have a novel instead of a blog. The adventures have continued, I'm amazed how much can fit into 4 days. Technically 3, I'm pretty sure Friday was a Mummy On Strike day. Normal things happened, of course, we just didn't go anywhere.

At least, I think we didn't... It's got to that point where days have blurred and I've actually lost Friday. Though the more I try to recall the more I think we DID something.. I just can't remember what.

(I hope I'm not the only person this happens to!)

Anyway, Saturday was spent roaming beautiful gardens of a mansion ("Castle, Mummy. It a Castle"), hunting out eggs of the mini chocolate variety. This part was fantastic! Very nicely done! Lily was an expert egg-hunter, and was very good about putting eggs in Pixie's bag too.
She won a book on the tombola, ate 2 hotdogs, got a giant green "Loon" and on her second attempt (and coaxing to stand closer by helpers) won a "CoNut" on the shy.
She was a little upset at not being able to have her face painted (Mummy had stood in the queue for almost an hour and it had moved all of 2 kiddies, and Lily was causing chaos with her Loon), but agreed to come away when bribed with Minecraft.
 Mummy had to stop at the shop for milk and drink, and all was well, so I thought "Hey, I can be in and out of there quick, I'll leave kiddies with carer and mad dash it" (not exactly dashing.. more a brisk thing)

Silly, silly Mummy.

I wasn't long, truly I wasn't, though when I got back, carer was looking really shaken. I could hear Lily screaming, and the moment I opened the driver door she bolted. Shouting for her to stop made no difference, but thank goodness when I shouted for someone to stop her, another Mummy came to the rescue, and got to Lily before she could reach the road.
One of those scary, watching it all unfold in slow motion moments. Times like that I truly curse my currently being unable to run.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful that I've come so far, from being unable to walk across a room without crutches, and that was just a year ago...
But when times like this happen, it leaves me feeling utterly useless.

Apparently, while I was grabbing things, the carer had been having a hellish time. She had never seen that side of Lily, at least not that bad. Lily had completely lost it the moment Mummy was out of sight. Pulled the carer's hair, scratched her, pinched her, bitten her, threatened to "cut her up", thrown her weight around. The whole time screaming. It's a wonder she was brave enough to return today, albeit warily.
Of course had I known this was going to happen I would have taken her in with me, there was no build up to it, no warning. Straight into top level.
Once I was back, it was all over in about 10 minutes, and, in a way, it's good to know Lily doesn't just do that to me.

That was just Saturday's adventure! Onto Happier moments!!

Sunday was, of course, day of more chocolate eggs than a mini human should ever consume in a short space of time. It was really a lovely day. Granny and Grandad even came to visit close to bed time, and did the fun thing all Grannies and Grandads can (and indeed should!) do at such a time.. wind kiddies up to point of no return then leave Mummy with the aftermath (a tradition I shall continue with pride when I'm a Granny, I'm sure!), it was lots of fun, and full of moments that make your heart smile. Like Lily running to give Grandad a cuddle when he arrived (it can be quite hard to get her to say hello sometimes), and constantly giving us all mini eggs, because "I Sharing, Mummy". Just lovely!



Then, despite Mummy struggling to move on waking this morning, and deciding that today would be a Strike Day, we somehow ended up at the Zoo. Lily and Phillip  really enjoyed themselves! Animals were seen, pointed at, "oohed" and "aaahed" at. Lily stayed close to Mummy, even at the cafe, when Mummy crossed the room for cutlery Lily followed ("I meed to, Mummy. I keep you safe!"), and again mid-meal when we ran out of ketchup, and when Mummy ordered more because she was still hungry. (I ate more than the average person... by quite a lot... and still helped Lily finish hers, I guess I know where they get their appetites from).

Souvenirs were bought, and "Fairy Music", for the car.
 2 minutes into the journey home they were both absolutely fast asleep, ahhhh peace, how I missed you.

There's only one day of holiday left, and it's a big one. Homework, Hair wash, Bath.

Wish me Luck!

Well, that was a long one.

A lot has happened since the last post. We've had Mummy's birthday.. in which Granny came to stay and Mummy actually had a full night off. It was used wisely. A pub was visited with lovely peoples,  drinks were had, pool was played, and conversation inevitably turned to our children.. because, lets face it, they're what we do 24/7.. at least it's my purpose in life at the moment, there is very rarely room for anything else. I had a lovely time, it was a surreal experience to be out of an evening for the 3rd time this year, which is a lot for me these days!

We did The Hairwash. A long running tradition of turmoil in our house. This time, instead of dragging it out and going through the hours of battling, Mummy cheated. We went to the Hairdresser. She had to put 4 cushions, a bunch of folded towels, and a load of magazines on the chair, but low and behold Lily reached the Sink. (and she was relieved there was no Cup.. a fact the lady had to keep reassuring her of..  despite us not having used Cup in about 7 months)
Mummy had to hold Lily, Lily had to hold Cat,  Mummy had to be touching Cat's Tail. It was like a mini circle of safety. This was quite possibly the least stressful hair wash we've ever encountered. Gosh knows why I didnt brave her with HairDressers before.. I probably closed my mind to it with "the noise, the smells the etc etc etc" checklist of things I know she struggles with so I avoid. It's silly of me, I know, and I realised that yet again that day, so since then we've been on a few more adventures.

There was the Long Shop, so named because we can listen to almost a whole CD on the drive there, Lily decided she was going to get the Billy Bear all herself. She was going to get Ten. "Ten Billy Bear, Mummy, You stand me? I go all Myself" was the phrase of the journey, over, and over, and over... you get the drift.
We arrived, the car was dropped off at the valet (I felt sorry for them, it was a state...), copious toys were oohed and ahhed at. Lily picked up a Spiderman shirt, and some exceedingly bright trousers which, so far, Mummy has lost the battle to remove. I may have to pull out the Marvel shirt to trade to wash that one...
 We got to the point of Billy Bear gettage, and Lily dutifully joined the queue... only she doesnt have a very good track record of staying still.. so although she stayed where the queue was, she moved around so much she was consistently at the back of it. Then during a lull where there was no one else to serve, she was ignored. Both people behind the counter had acknowledged her prescence, and mine, albeit from a distance (I was keeping an eye from across the aisle, doing the "I'm really interested in this frozen food thing, Lily, I'm not checking up on you" routine). Soon more arrived and they were served and I got impatient.
I probably appeared rude when I interrupted the lady ordering to ask the staff if there was any reason my daughter had been standing there, waiting patiently for so long and been completely ignored. They said they hadnt seen her, yet they had both said hello. Next time perhaps we should give her a sign. I certainly understand why they may have put off serving her, but perhaps telling me she was invisible wasn't the most tactful way to go about it.
Other than Mummy having a Moment, that trip went rather well. I even managed to pick her up a birthday present... (likely one of many, I do tend to go a -little- O.T.T)

Then there was Bewilderwood. That was a huge success! Cedric the Easter Bunny gave Lily 3 mini eggs, she had her face painted with green and whiskers. She made some very creative bunny ears and a tail. She spent hours looking for Twiggles (and bless her, getting quite upset when there were none to be found.. Mummy tried to say they were shy, so she spent a while singing to the trees to get them to appear and know she was a friend.)
She even got on a stage with lots of other minions and did the Bewilderwood Party Dance. (which resulted in some lovely pictures to embarrass her with when she's a teenager).
When we got home the first blowout of the holiday really hit. I cant remember now what set her off, she was tired though, and probably overstimulated from the days adventure. The kicking, the biting, throwing, screaming, limbs in all directions confusion enveloped us. It lasted about an hour before we were able to get to a point she could bring herself down from it.

Then there was the Noise in the Sofa. I'm pretty sure it's Granny's phone, but it was buzzing away in there on and off for a bout 3 minutes, the noise drove Lily insane, things ended up everywhere. (which was partly mummy's fault, trying to pull the sofa apart to stop it).  It's still in there, and taunts us. (Darn you!)

Today, we went on an Easter Trail. We walked around a woodland nature trail (Mummy was very uncomfortable and achy before we got anywhere this morning, now there are quite a few choice words that spring to mind). It took about 2 hours, the end of which included a white bunny handing out chocolates. It was really well done, the weather was lovely, and Lily seemed to enjoy it, once again until we got home. We'd had lunch, all was well, a few teary moments, nothing major. Minecraft was being played, and then Phillip dared to touch the Remote.

Which promptly brought up a menu in the middle of the screen.

Unfortunately instead of calmly coming and telling Mummy, Lily hit him with the remote and went into meltdown mode. (thankfully it wasn't hard so he was more shocked than actually hurt)
When, about 2 and a half hours later the gardener arrived, Mummy was still clearing up the aftermath, Lily was saying sorry and giving her little brother cuddles, and Granny arrived soon after to two very happy kiddies that showed no signs of anything happening, and a Mummy who seemed to be inexplicably pulling her hair out. (not literally. I have Phillip to do that for me)

I know why it's happening at the moment. I also know it's going to get worse and more frequent. The school routine is lost, and when it comes back it'll need to be re-established. Then the House will Change and Be "Diffent". I know we'll get there, but it's going to be a tough couple of months.

I've been writing so many positive things about Lily, that to write about the not-so good seems harsh. I know all children do these things, she just does them with a little more.. flare I guess. That's not the right way to describe it, at all, but it's the best my tired brain can manage this evening.

In the meantime, tomorrow is Good Friday... and Mummy is going to refuse to go anywhere. Perhaps Lily can Minecraft a city for Spiderman. Perhaps we'll see if she can do 100 bounces on the trampoline. Perhaps we'll be able to get through a day without Phillip changing all the settings on the washing machine.
The possibilities are endless.