Today Lily wanted a disco. We put the radio on and turned it right up. We closed the curtains so it could be a "real one". We closed all the doors as well, though I'm not sure why. Each time the carer came through she was told "you cyose door, you wooin it. Don't wooin anyfing".
The disco lasted from 9:30 until past lunchtime.. that when mummy decided she needed a break and put a film on. Lily is still running back and forth, no idea were she is getting all the energy from!
4 more sleeps until Year 2 starts. 7 more until we see Spider-Man's friends. The countdown is in full swing. Actually the countdown for that has been going since I bought the ticket. Mummy's ears need to hear a new countdown.
Sunday, 31 August 2014
Thursday, 28 August 2014
Need Sleep
It's been quite a while since I last posted a snippet of our lives on here, it's been quite empty in our worlds of late.
The summer holidays upon us, we fell into a routine. Same thing, day in, day out, for much of the last 6 weeks. There have been moments that I've been so far dragged down, I've been sunk to the floor, sobbing, and unable to see how there can possibly be another day on the horizon, where no amount of closing my eyes can stop the tears flowing. Nights that seem endless, I can go through the motions, and lay my head on those pillows, but sleep will not or cannot find me. I wish it would swallow its' pride, stop, and ask for directions already.
Those have usually been at the end of days that Lily has struggled the most, though who's pushing who lower in those cases I'm not sure. Was I perhaps already low, and she simply picked up on it? That would of course make her feel uneasy, confused, unstable.. perfect recipe for a hard day for us both, and once I've hugged her tight and kissed her goodnight, that floor is welcome and waiting for a jolly good cry. (at which point I tend to get stuck. Mobility is not my friend)
I guess that's why I've not posted in a while. Truth is right now I'm struggling. Struggling, mainly, to convince myself that I exist. We've had overall, a good summer holiday. We've had our own adventures as a family. We've been to the zoo, to the city, the woods, the parks, we've danced in the rain, picked blackberries, had homecooked meals, and even been graced with the presence of dear friends once in a blue moon.
Lily has increasingly shrank more into her own shell. She's been to 3 parties, and barely interacted with those around her at any of them. She speaks, she sings, she dances, but her world will only grudgingly touch another, and briefly. It seemed the more we went out, the further she sank. It hurts me to watch, not knowing how to reach her in there.
Of course this hasn't been constant, there are moments worlds open, and you get a glimpse. Usually when she wants something.
A friend of hers visited this week. They watched the Lego Movie, had a bounce on the trampoline. Other than "Big Sammy", "Little Sammy" has managed to get the most reaction from her in the last 6 weeks.
This time next week, Lily will be back at school, facing a new year, a new classroom, in with everyone else for as long as they can manage. I hope she'll do well. She's looking forward to it. And in 9 sleeps, we get to stay in a hotel, and in 10 more sleeps, Lily finally gets to meet "Spiderman's Fends"
I can hear her going in circles in her room right now, talking to them on her poster. Telling them she'll be there soon. Asking them to please not eat her, she wants to be their friend.
So it is, I finally send another snippet out into the void. The joys of trying to raise two minions, one of which is autistic, while mental health inexplicably tethers you. World domination will just have to wait.
At least until I've had a nap, dagnabbit.
The summer holidays upon us, we fell into a routine. Same thing, day in, day out, for much of the last 6 weeks. There have been moments that I've been so far dragged down, I've been sunk to the floor, sobbing, and unable to see how there can possibly be another day on the horizon, where no amount of closing my eyes can stop the tears flowing. Nights that seem endless, I can go through the motions, and lay my head on those pillows, but sleep will not or cannot find me. I wish it would swallow its' pride, stop, and ask for directions already.
Those have usually been at the end of days that Lily has struggled the most, though who's pushing who lower in those cases I'm not sure. Was I perhaps already low, and she simply picked up on it? That would of course make her feel uneasy, confused, unstable.. perfect recipe for a hard day for us both, and once I've hugged her tight and kissed her goodnight, that floor is welcome and waiting for a jolly good cry. (at which point I tend to get stuck. Mobility is not my friend)
I guess that's why I've not posted in a while. Truth is right now I'm struggling. Struggling, mainly, to convince myself that I exist. We've had overall, a good summer holiday. We've had our own adventures as a family. We've been to the zoo, to the city, the woods, the parks, we've danced in the rain, picked blackberries, had homecooked meals, and even been graced with the presence of dear friends once in a blue moon.
Lily has increasingly shrank more into her own shell. She's been to 3 parties, and barely interacted with those around her at any of them. She speaks, she sings, she dances, but her world will only grudgingly touch another, and briefly. It seemed the more we went out, the further she sank. It hurts me to watch, not knowing how to reach her in there.
Of course this hasn't been constant, there are moments worlds open, and you get a glimpse. Usually when she wants something.
A friend of hers visited this week. They watched the Lego Movie, had a bounce on the trampoline. Other than "Big Sammy", "Little Sammy" has managed to get the most reaction from her in the last 6 weeks.
This time next week, Lily will be back at school, facing a new year, a new classroom, in with everyone else for as long as they can manage. I hope she'll do well. She's looking forward to it. And in 9 sleeps, we get to stay in a hotel, and in 10 more sleeps, Lily finally gets to meet "Spiderman's Fends"
I can hear her going in circles in her room right now, talking to them on her poster. Telling them she'll be there soon. Asking them to please not eat her, she wants to be their friend.
So it is, I finally send another snippet out into the void. The joys of trying to raise two minions, one of which is autistic, while mental health inexplicably tethers you. World domination will just have to wait.
At least until I've had a nap, dagnabbit.
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